Trusting after Brokenness
Trusting after Brokenness ~ Many people believe that a woman with trust issues got them because of the men that she selected in her adult life. That could be true for some people; however, there are a group of people that developed trust issues as early as childhood. I was awakened at the early age of about 5 or 6 to a grown man that was molesting me, all while my brothers slept in the same room. My parents had left a family friend to babysit us while they took a quick trip to the neighborhood store. I mean I should have been able to trust this guy because he had been really kind to us children and he had befriended my dad. My parents had to trust him in order to leave their three sons and only daughter in his care. This incident along with many other family struggles created deep, rooted trust issues for me.
What I want to share with my sisters, who may struggle with trust issues, is that it is not your fault! Don’t feel bad for having them, those trust issues are how you learned how to protect yourself from harmful people. Someone that you trusted, violated the boundaries of your relationship and hurt you. So it’s okay to want to protect yourself from future harm. But, what I will tell you is that it is not healthy to respond to people that have not hurt you and may never hurt you — in a non-trusting manner. It’s not fair to you and it is not fair to the people that may want to be a part of your life. It’s not a healthy state of being and we must not continue on this way.
I had to forgive the man that hurt me at such an early age. I had to forgive my parents for not protecting me, and I had to forgive myself. I forgave everyone involved in my childhood pain but that didn’t totally heal me, because I still hadn’t gone through the process of loving and trusting someone in a healthy state of being. Please understand that you must go through the process with another person in order to assure total healing. Asking GOD to heal you is one thing. But putting in the necessary work is another. They both work together in the healing process. The bible tells us, “14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” James 2:14-17
Many times people with trust issues will fall off trusting again because it may make us face our fears. It may make us remember a childhood pain, or it may make us face a hurtful Ex. Whatever it may be, you can’t give up on your own very chance of living a complete and full life. You may have to even go through counseling to talk and work through your issues. Whatever it takes! We must push through the temporary desire for comfort and allow the uncomfortable feelings to aid us in our healing. Allow that discomfort to guide you through the process.
The process, for me, began the moment I met the man that I am to marry. I told him about my past and my struggles in the area of trusting. It hasn’t been easy for either one of us however we stuck it out together. He poured selfless love into me even when I wanted to give up on the relationship. He loved me beyond my pain and held my hand throughout the process of me finally loving and trusting another human being with my heart.