A Single Mom’s Loneliness
When we look past the fact that he is not the one!
September 20, 2016
By Marion Theresa Myers
I decided to end a horrible relationship with my children’s father that I had been in for many, many years. I am not totally blaming him for our bad relationship because at that particular time I was in a bad space myself. While I was with him I went through mental, verbal, and physical abuse so I knew that I was going to need time to heal. I wouldn’t date or show interest in any man for several years after him. So I went on my merry way of healing and finding myself. I was happy that I was no longer crying my eyes out over him not being home with the kids and I. I was excited that I no longer had to argue with my ex about my imaginary relationship with him. For a long while I was okay and like Mary J Blige sings, “there was no more drama in my life” and I was loving it!
After years of being alone, celibate and happy — I started to get a little disappointed. I found myself physically alone. I started to realize that even though I didn’t need or desire my ex any longer. I still had needs and desires that only a man could fill. I have never been the type of woman that could say, “I don’t need a man.” Oh, no I have never been her because I realize that there is only so much a woman can do alone. I mean I got tired of going to holiday and family events alone. I got tired of going to my children’s schools for important programs alone. I got tired of always fixing things in my house that a man should have been fixing. I got tired of not feeling the physical touch of a man. I started to lose my femininity and it scared me. My flesh and my soul started to long for a man. So, not soon after, I found myself not waiting any longer.
By this point I am working three jobs trying to finalize my son’s graduation and prom. All of which I was doing alone. I was exhausted and half asleep when I meet, yet, another Mr. Wrong. His name was Craig and he was a security guard at my overnight job. He was so distant and cold however he was willing to meet my physical needs for the moment. I knew going into this situation that he wasn’t the “One;” however, I was lonely and so unsure of my very own femininity. I needed the touch of a man even if he was just going to be temporary.
Needless to say that this situation did not end well. Being the person that I am, I started to catch feelings for this man that had no feelings. I tried to tell myself that I could just have the physical and be okay with that, but I wasn’t. After lots and lots of great, protected sex – I was still lonely because he didn’t meet any of my real needs. He was a terrible communicator! So we both decided that it wasn’t working out for either one of us and we agreed to part ways.
You see what I was missing was a husband — someone permanent. I needed a man that wanted to love me and my children. Someone that wanted to be in a committed relationship. A man that was loving, strong and a great communicator. A man that didn’t mind sharing his feelings with me. The man that GOD designed just for me and the guy that I just mentioned wasn’t him!
How many of you can relate to being so lonely that you made some really bad choices in men?
Our stories don’t have to end this way ladies. We can change the direction of our lives by actively engaging what we really want. Making sure that we only invest time and energy in worthy people. Some of this can be done by only taking those potential suitors serious that want the same things in life.
Allowing men that know what they want and who they want precedence over men that only want to play.
Single moms, we don’t have the time nor the energy to play around because our children need stability, leadership and protection. I mean we can do some of this because most of us haven’t had any choice in the matter, but wouldn’t it be great if we could finally have the help in doing so? Wouldn’t it be great to find the rest that we have been desperately needing from a strong and dedicated man?